TreeHouseView

The onion peel of relationships is endlessly fascinating, and as I peel away the skin from my own marriage, I see that the exposed flesh and pungent odor is as initialy repellant as an onion to me. That sounds terrible doesn’t it? But consider all of the ways that onions (which I really don’t like very much) incorporated into food make it so much more delicious.

That metaphor went over somewhat like the proverbial lead balloon, but my point is that sometimes a thing that you don’t think will fit with something else actually does fit, and they benefit from the relationship. Such is the case with my husband and I. He’s a person who operates on all cyliders all of the time. He’s an all or nothing kind of guy. He gives 150% and he’s A LOT. He’s loud and obnoxious and usually the center of attention, whether purposely or not. He is the life of the party.

I, on the other hand, come in under the radar and hope that you don’t initially even notice my presence until I’ve figured out how I fit. I’m cautious and conservative, and risk-averse. I’m a wall-flower of the highest order and will seek out the corners of every room, and will be the person at the party petting the dog and avoiding the people. I know where all of the nearest exits are at all times.

We don’t fit. He’s a early bird and I’m a night owl. He breaks out of the start gate at a full-on run. whereas I take a mile or two to warm up before I can even begin to trot.

in the first few years of our marriage, I was a bit like that exhausted pigeon that is the meme’d version that exists between early birds and night owls. We had young kids and the days were long. I tried to switch gears into overdrive like my husband and it was not going well. So I stopped trying. I hoped that maybe he would begin to see some merit in my slower ways.

It took some more years along with some therapy for him, and some big life realizations (maybe a medical diagnosis or two) but long story short, he has seen the light and started to take some time to give his mind and body a break on occasion. He still operates on GO most of the time but he does pay more attention now, both to himself, to me, and to those around him who may be affected by tha high energy cyclone that is constantly swirling around him.

He has learned that there is validity in taking it easy. taking the long way, the scenic route. Not everything requires a short cut or jump start, although I’ve learned that those things definitely can have their benefits, too.

“…it’s harder than you think to do nothing…” are lyrics from a country song that talks about slowing down, and truer words ain’t never been spoken, especially for people like my husband for are always “on”. Trying to find his off switch, or at least his “low power” mode, was a work in progress that continues to this day. Tools he has found that help unwind him are things like paddle boarding in the summer, morning meditations in the hot tub, skiing with one earbud in and music playing (long backstory here about why he never skied with earbuds in before this–suffice it to say this is a BIG step) and an overall ever-increasing mindfulness that is encouraging to see in him.

For me, my husband’s energy reminds me that I can’t stay in my default low power mode all of the time, as much as I’d like to. I get into ruts. and often don’t want to pull myself out of them because they feel fairly comfortable but they probably aren’t healthy, and my husband reminds me that I need to participate in life or I’ll miss out on so many things.

We balance each other. like flavors in food. It took a minute to find that combination–we struggled to find the right mix but I think we’ve finally settled on a good blend of what we both brought to the table.

I’m still not the biggest fan of onions, but if they’re incorporated into the recipe and not very noticeable, then it’s a yes for me!